OK, I give in..... I can't give up!
So onward.
The last half of 2010 was REALLY, REALLY hard. The human body, mind and spirit are amazing to me. I thank God for all the love and support all my family and friends give me. I'm not sure how I'm still here-I know I tried to give up.
DH has gotten a job that actually makes money. He is feeling better about that, as am I. We have health insurance.... not that it'll help with IF, but we have it.
I've been in school (4 weeks til the end of the semester), and am glad to be doing something productive. It is putting us further in debt, but I'm glad I'll be able to help my community more with the new knowledge. Was hoping that diving in and being over my head would distract me from the ever present depression of being baby-less.... It hasn't. It has gotten me off the couch and out of the house though, which is a big improvement over this time last year.
We went back to the IF (Joy Zimmerma-Golden) specialist and have a new plan. This time I'm not in charge, so am feeling that I'm less responsible for the outcome. She wants DH and I to go see Dr. John Anderson in Soldotna, no more messing around, straight for the IVF. Our first appt. is May 10th, just a consult, and to make a plan for which protocol we'll go on. Joy is going to be very involved and I'm thankful for her support. In total it'll be around $5,000. It's alot for us right now as we're just finally able to pay our bills. But I think it'd cost more for me to be hospitalized for insanity :-)
The actual procedure is about $2,000 and meds for the stimulation and continuation of the pregnancy will be around $3k. Dr. Anderson has mixed reviews , online at least. Am trying to remember that they have been doing this for a lot longer than I've been trying to get (and stay) pregnant.
I am very leery about giving myself shots, but have asked friends and some seem willing-lucky them :-)
Joy also changed my meds! Goodness, what way to feel. I dropped my SSRI's, changed to a name brand thyroid med, started Glucophage, and an appetite suppressant. I need to loose 30 pounds by the time I start the "protocol". I'm definitely NOT hungry, and have to force myself to eat so I don't get anymore AMS from low BGL. I'm not insulin resistant or diabetic so having my sugar dumped is I guess what's causing the 2 glasses of wine feeling. I also started the South Beach Diet-am trying to follow the phase one part now. Celery seems to be the main portion of what I'm eating. At least I like it, for now.
Well hopefully I'll keep up the positive pace and post on here more often. Think I'll change the settings so if people wanna read my rantings they can. I know I'm not the only one lost in the land of IF.
