On my cell, so please forgive grammar & spelling.
Well it's been along time since I wrote here, guess I didn't feel the need to blog (journal) my thoughts & feelings. Or I was afraid to write what was going on in my head.
I FB msg'd my best girl friend I was scared to talk to her cause of knew she'd just tell me she was pregnant. She had m/c a few months ago, I was sad for her, but also it kinda felt nice to know it happens to other people besides me. I'm sure that sounds sick, maybe that's who I've become. I no longer know who I am, at least not beyond ttc/IF/mc/IVF etc. By the way, she is pregnant again.
Where we are right now! Going bonkers in the 2ww!
I had conveniently forgotten "Childless Awareness Day" is this weekend. Resolves posts on how to get through it on FB reminded me, yay! Thankfully our local hardware store does an open house bbq & greenhouse opening Sat. So mostly I find myself getting the nieces & nephews to buy flowers for their mom's and then just drink & stay in bed Sun. Since I forgot, I made plans for hanging with my brother & his family. Maybe going to a movie & dinner. I might make it through since I can't drink & am presently PUPO-pregnant until proven otherwise.
I am pretty grateful for my crazy, dysfunctional family & the way they support us & our almost debilitating drive to have a baby.
So if this doesn't work (gotta have a back up plan to keep me from jumping off the edge I so frequently teeter on), adoption. I was ready for this 6 months into our relationship :) long story, glad it didn't work out. Now Tim is too. Will have to take out a loan of some sort to improve/rebuild the house. Get indoor plumbing and all that stuff most people take for granted (or require before saying "I do").
I am so proud of my husband and all the hard work he is putting in. It's tough to be apart 2 wks at a time and he misses 1/2 of whatever is going on at home. I feel like we're doing okay, maybe even better. It sure is nice to not stress over every penny & have a little extra once in awhile - of course we're completely broke right now, damn IVF!
I'm kinda in a holding pattern til we find out if there are any sticky embabies this time around. If so I have tons of $ to come up with for meds, if not, well I'm going to decide how to cross that bridge when I get to it-jumping may be an option :) jk
Okay, well since my boards aren't doing the trick to stay sane I will probably be back soon. I find it hilarious that writing to the world (whoever stumbles upon & wants to read) is cathartic. For years therapists tried to get me to journal, ha ha!
